Category: 💬

i do not have to go through my days thinking about myself in the ways some want me to…

i'm not comparing, just acknowledging my effort at the time. if we had met today we wouldn't have.

i sense increased hostility around me and i remain calm as can be. these tactics fail to hurt me in the ways they once did before,

i will always hold it against each person for being dishonest with me, playing games with my head, keeping me down for longer, when i needed support the most. what has changed?

i am once again offended, but i am not going to hold any more grudges.

how am i expected to recognize someone i used to know, passing by, after all of this?

are they acting? is “artificial intelligence” used to trap people now?

i’ve considered many views, and this is where i have pushed myself today. anyway, peace and good vibes from me,

i am not open to change against my will. i cannot pretend either. some people like to take advantage you know, who am i to say anything? well,

some quiet in the only place i can get it right now is really nice…(after my smoke outside around the town)

you sold your soul? i’m not doing the same. if that is what being an adult is, then i don’t ever want to grow up. sounds familiar right? except i really stick to it, …

best? always? i wouldn’t say that… i do the best i can. i’ve made an effort in the years i have been out here, but i have not been able to reach something stable, a place of my own. you could say i am selfish even though i had more than just myself in mind while i tried and worked hard for something better. i could be helping out and giving back by now. instead i am no longer able to work or meet anyone and i struggle to have even a conversation on the phone making appointments to finish this process obtaining disability. there were better days, few and far between…

“you think i am bad, but you are not bad. uh-huh-huh-huh…”

here we go again…

just like these strangers around who get upset at me because i don’t give them a second of my time and i easily shatter their games the moment they try and mess with me, in my usual style.

welp, i was viewing north carolina and it brought back memories of the road trip with my grandparents to boone, and i enjoyed that. but 5 years after i stayed at a summer camp in asheville and i did not enjoy my time there, unfortunately…

earlier i sat up in bed and jingled my keys like i had a collar on and was itching myself, you know, and then i laid back down.

"complete disconnection"

what's wrong with it?
don't expect it to change, either.

a clear reason why i avoid everyone at all cost. passing strangers everywhere,
i don’t care how one reads me today, it seems they are intent on taking it a certain way, either way… oh well ! 🍜
not letting anyone make me feel bad anymore

i left that behind in 2024

10:01

oh but it is not marijuana i am out of … it is my mind, right?

23:33

i dropped my pen again – the jewel landed in front of my locker ~

First Post

22:29

This will be more of a scrambled babble…

I waited a little too long to start earning money again, but mental health is important…

I no longer view other people in the same way that I used to…

I take care of myself. I have no time for distractions anymore…

I needed half of a year to heal. And for what? I did nothing wrong. I took care of myself and someone else who was not giving me peace. I went to work. I saved up money by living in a car. I had other goals in my mind.

Who is it to decide what decisions I make and when? When I first started working at that place I felt good just because I was making money, and able to pay the bills.

I set a goal, saved up a decent amount and quit before I lost it.

I have been work free for over half of a year.

And they said I wasn’t doing well… some sketchy person I was…